Here we go again

I was hoping you’d text one day, never expected that it will ever happen but here you are.

I listened to Locksmith by Sadie Jean and rehearsed for this day. Despite that, it seems like no amount of preparation is enough once I hear you say hi again. The time spent getting over the high you gave, the confusion you brought and the uncertainty that was tied to you – all down the drain.

You don’t get to go away and come back like that. Then again, I missed how you made me feel. Oh it fucked me up.

The hot, the cold. The good and the not. The making me think that you care when all you did was ask how my day went. The it’s not you, it’s me because I became too much. Since the beginning you knew what you were getting yourself into. So don’t you dare.

Problem is that I believed you this whole time. Here we go again, I guess. Maybe, maybe not. We’ll be able to finally see if everything still holds true but I don’t want to go through the same pain twice. God it was such a nightmare.

Gasping for air when it comes to you. Couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say. It’s the way your face brightens up when you saw me again. It’s the way you would subtly take care of me because I thought I was only a sneaky link, we aren’t supposed to talk like we knew each other. Well maybe you are just being nice. But it’s the way you held me in your damn arms – almost like nothing happened in between when we both know it’s not the same anymore. We don’t really care too. I mean, do you? Yeah, didn’t think so. I wanted to keep my word. At least now we don’t have to search for nothing in each other, we don’t have to pretend.

I’m over it. Flashing ‘cross my mind all that has happened between us and I sometimes catch myself thinking about her when I look at you – keeps me safe, and sane. You were the first, when I didn’t know the game. But thank you, still. You are a good person.

Just that.. it’s my turn now.