Him.

I have been writing about heartbreaks because that’s what I know.

I lost myself trying to find the kind of love I believed my family wanted for me; when all they wanted was for me to be happy. I lost myself in others while trying to search for what’s not there in the first place; all because begging for a man’s attention was all I know.

And then I met someone.

It’s like life finally decided to love me back. I wanted to post this while I still can, before it ends, if it ends. Hear me out.

It all started with a “fine, a chance and we shall see” to now a “see you soon”. I am so used to chaos this feels funny. I once said, I would expect the same and more from my next partner as one who has walked out of a marriage. Unfortunately the men I dated lacked the very one thing – emotional intimacy.

This man. I don’t jump whenever he texts because he is consistent. I get up in my head very so often but he creates a safe space. I worry about every foreseeable and unforeseeable issues but he tries to be communicative even though it’s not his forte.

The bare minimum we struggle to find these days. I’m telling you this is a good man; love is not real if he turns out to be deceiving me of anything, because he will not do that – not to me. That’s the kind of man he is. A very, very good man.

“We will make it work” he said, but it seems that we have been met with reality. He accepted me for who I am. However I’m not sure if that acceptance could go beyond who I am, or rather where I am.

I want to build a home with him but at the same time, I feel that he’s not built for my mess. Even if he can handle it now, for how long will that be? Just because someone’s your person doesn’t mean that you’re theirs. Or maybe I’m confusing familiarity with comfort and peace. Or should love be all of those?

I think he is it you guys, but guess we shall see.