It’s not your fault

Dear you,

It’s me, isn’t it? That’s what I do because that is all I know.

Mourning the death of my imagination. Grieving before I lose. Healing an anticipated wound, still, because you may be right.

No I know. Yeah I know. But do you really? How much and for how long? Would it be long enough for this to go somewhere?

Just a little longer till I see you again but help, I’m hanging on a thread.

Saw you again but I’m still hanging on a thread. Perhaps it’s my fear of abandonment I had to deal with. Crying quietly but hoping publicly. Begging silently but praying loudly. Quite the relief we’re okay, but are we actually?

They say you can’t fuck up what’s meant for you but can you pass me the baton? I was so close to telling you I can’t do it anymore, maybe it is time to close the chapter. You were right. It shouldn’t be painful for me, and it’s not. At least I don’t think it is anymore. But don’t; don’t “respect my decision”, just admit that you never wanted this as much as I did, because I feel like you’re just waiting for me to let go at this point.

It’s not your fault that you aren’t enough for me, right now or ever. It doesn’t change how I feel about you but your eyes had told me everything I needed to know. Time wasn’t in our favor and if it’s meant to be, I hope to drown in that gaze of yours yearning to touch my soul again.

May this trip be a closure for us.

Yours truly,
Unlabeled little one