Walking away to force myself to move on.
I healed, I chased, I stuck through it all. And for what?
Maybe it wasn’t meant to came off this way but I felt blindsided. I was hoping that someday you could tell my feelings for you were true. So real you could almost touch. What I didn’t notice was you fading away – such a horrible feeling, the very moment I realize that I was starting to lose you. Desperate to hold on to what’s left of you, I abandoned myself trying to chase you. I finally see that you’re not with me anymore.
I had to ask. I shouldn’t have to. You led me on with a carrot on a stick like a saddled pig.
I thought you could be the one, when all this while I got distracted trying to be the one for you. Eventually, I found myself searching for me in you, like with other people that came before you; just because you weren’t as sure of me as I was of you.
Now I’m dragging myself through the pain I had imposed on myself. Searching for you in everyone else. Because, I didn’t know. “I couldn’t have known” but really, I should have seen it coming and yet I didn’t. I was in my delusions, I was under the impression that we were safe. Wow.
We? Us? Nah, it’s been just you and I was just some cute little doll you picked up on the ground because you probably (and that’s a HUGE probably) genuinely thought you could do it. Well you couldn’t and I’m taking the hit. But why me? When will it not be me? When can it not be me?
You planted that image. You planted that hope. You painted me everything I ever dreamed of.
And like dropping a thin piece of glass, I shattered instantly feeling in my gut that you don’t want me anymore.
I couldn’t do it but I must. Yes… it wasn’t your fault.
MichelleAKJ 