Nobody talks about how hard it is to build a connection again after so many failed attempts, and worse of all, after someone you thought you could rely on for the rest of your life gives up because remember when I said I hate to feel at all? Yeah, took that chance. Although for the better, but still it didn’t work out.
You remain hopeful about love and you have healed as much as you possibly can. You’re ready to love again but are you really? How would you know? How sure are we supposed to be before that? What if the other person leaves like how everybody else did? What if it’s not them who are the problem and it was us all along? Maybe we are asking for too much?
Eats you up mentally, honestly. You’re happy this looks like what you have been praying for but terrified to have anything nice at all. Everything good gets ripped out of your life once you start to relax.
Can they keep up? Will they be enough? Can they live up to standards? Can they catch up with themselves? Why does the good not come in a package like the bad always do? How much should we compromise? How would we know?
Nobody talks about the process you have to go through, stepping into the scene with the sole purpose of finding love. Nobody talks about the fight you have to have with yourself to get there. And nobody talks about how you have to convince yourself that not everybody is out to get you.
I want me to see me for who I am and not who I’m not. I want to stop feeling like I’m putting on a show, but what is it? I have almost everything, perhaps even living someone else’s dream. So why do I feel like I’m putting on a facade when I am happy?
Why do I warn people that I’m a lot then try to convince them that I can also be contented with the simplest things in life? Why do I let people in, get attached and either have them leave me or start leaving people because I got scared, only to realize they never truly cared?
Why are they just always not enough for me? Maybe it’s me, maybe I wasn’t enough and they didn’t want to hurt me so they started acting disinterested. Maybe I’m unrealistic? Oh give me a break, I’ve lowered myself thinking bare minimum makes me special.
Nobody knows how much I cried, and still do. Because nobody talks about healing wounds you can’t see. Nobody talks about anything that matters anymore.
All I want is to get well in time.
MichelleAKJ 