A lot of things don’t affect me, but there are a ton of things that do. Things that are completely irrelevant, things that are not that big of a deal, things that are from the past, things that I could choose not to know.
But I’m slowly learning to let go.
Of things that I can’t change, things that I can’t control, things that affected me.
I’ve learnt to let go of the temporary and exes. Of the drowned relationships, the toxic relationships; relationships that is not going to have worked out anyway. Of the love showered on me while it lasted. The could have been. The hugs we shared I didn’t know was a farewell. The lips I kissed that meant nothing. The last text I receive not knowing it’s the last time I’m going to hear from him. The last text I sent not knowing it’s the last time I have a reason to reach out.
I’ve learnt to let go of the betrayals and lies. Of the friends I trusted, the friends I cared for. The rumors they started, the bully they thrown. Of the guys who said they love me. The betrayal of the rich guy and the lies of the cool guy.
I’m still learning to let go of the two times I fucked up. The time I pushed away the boy who waited for me to get back with him for 6 years and the other time I dropped a guy who loved me for 8 years straight. My heart still aches and I am still sorry.
I’m slowly learning to let go of the competition. The game of who’s doing better than who, the comparison, those stupid expectations. I’m getting too worn out to fight, too old to defend. I shall let you win if you want to. I shall continue doing what I’m doing if it is what it takes to feel complete, because at least I lose choosing to be happy.
Getting over and moving on – piece of cake. Letting go has always been a weakness. I hold onto everything that used to mean something to me; as a lesson, as an experience to share, perhaps as a pain to remind me not to go back to. But it eats me up, a lot of the time.
I hate every inch of its capability to haunt my soul but I’m fine. Or so I’ll be.