Someday but not today

Well aware that someday it will come to an end.

I may have to take a pick or heck, maybe I don’t have to because I will lose them all.

I never let that keep me from having the best time of my life though. I’ve never been so happy. I sat on a 13 hour flight, disconnecting from the world and catching up with my mental self. The whole point is to get out. Get out of my home country who did nothing to hurt me, get away from the people in Singapore who did nothing but hurt me. I love my country but not so much everybody there.

4 hours before landing I got my wifi, connected again. Texted a few people besides my mom to update her on my whereabouts. With my little bottle of red wine on one hand and phone on the other, I stare at the conversations – “this can only go one way or the other, I won’t be able to do this forever” I say to myself feeling a little like shit.

I can’t do this forever. I could if I wanted to but where will that get me? Like what’s the point of building so many connections and have none of them ever being strong enough to withstand reality? Then again, is it really that important to find a point in everything we do in life? Can we not just have fun feeling all the positive emotions for as long as it can go?

So scared but I’m loving every bit of it. Bloody dangerous but life’s fucking amazing now and nobody can try to tell me otherwise.

It’ll end someday, but all that matters is that that’s not going to be today. Or at least I hope not.

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