The good the bad. The happy the sad. And how you left.
She held on to every bit of hope for you. She did it all for you. She wanted the best for you but she realized she’s not part of the best from the rest, she was only one of the rest.
But it was really all, for you.
She wasn’t trying to keep you when she stares at you with her goldfish eyes in pain, when she hugged you so tight it was hard for you to breathe, when she reminded you of the stupid things you said in the very beginning when she was worried you’d leave, when she questioned you about if you still love her.
She never meant to keep you because you didn’t want to stay.
She knew that was it. She knows you’ve made up your mind so don’t go drilling into her face about how it’s not going to work out. You gave up on someone you claim to love. You don’t give up on someone you truly love. Not like that. Not so easily. So why did you do it? Why did you let her go? Why did you make her cry? Why did you break her heart?
She wasn’t trying to keep you after all those tears she has shed because she knows you’re going to leave her again if you stayed out of pity. She just wanted to hold you for the last time, and be held for the last time; when there’s still feelings. She put up a strong front because she knows you well enough, weakness only makes you feel more disgusted about her and that’s the last thing she wants to be seen, especially in your eyes. You ought to know that being able to stand up after getting her heart broken so many times before is such a beautiful thing..
How dare you make her feel like she has to pretend to be okay when she’s hurting so bad?
She will remember you as the selfless one. She will remember you as the selfish one. She will remember you as the one who loved her best. She will remember you as the one who really did love her but just didn’t love her as much as she loves you. She will remember you as the mature one. She will remember you as the not-so mature one. She will remember you. She will never forget you.
She hates that it was love. She was hoping that she can convince herself that it was just another could have been. She hates that she’s still missing you. She hates that she’s still struggling.
But she doesn’t hate you one bit, she just hates herself for not being able to be better for you.
And for that you don’t deserve her, like how she thought she didn’t deserve you.
If you’re going through a heartbreak or need someone to talk to, I’m here: