I Will, But I Won’t Change For You

Relationships are about compromising but not losing yourself. I was willing to do so much for us to work, but you won’t go much further from your current standing of us. I am willing to go from one country to another for you, but you’re only willing to go half the train map for me. Actually, a quarter of the train map to be exact.

You are a good person but you didn’t know how to be a boyfriend to a girl like me, probably because I wasn’t the type of girl you were looking for to begin with.

It’s only when a relationship ends where you can think logically and see where went wrong. Dating or being in an official relationship, they work about the same to me. I needed to change my relationship status on Facebook to call it official but now? I don’t really care anymore though it would still be nice. You see… relationships all seem so short-term even if you didn’t mean for it to end so soon. So tired, so scared.

I got to admit that I thought we could at least make it to half a year but nope. You gave up. Then I realized how you tried to mold me into what you wanted me to be and I did not see it, perhaps you didn’t realize too until you find yourself reading this post. You meant no harm but you wanted someone completely different. You drain me out, you’re such a tiring person to invest feelings into, you were not flexible, you disappointed me and got on my nerves so many times in such a short period. But I guess I can say the same about how I was like to you, to myself, I know. It wasn’t your fault but neither was it mine. You ought to know each time you made it seem like I had to pretend to be okay when I was obviously falling apart, is NOT FUCKING OKAY.

Shit. I am on fire.

Listen. I post whatever I want, I write whatever I want, I live however I want and I can say whatever the fuck I want on MY social medias as long as they are facts and real emotions. I cared for your feelings, I held things in when the Internet is where I belong, was it not enough? You should have known. I should have known. We both, should have fucking known what we’re getting ourselves into with each other.

I went to analyze some things you said and I came to realization that most were bullshit. Maybe you meant it then, I don’t know. I only know that the way you dealt with me was not okay, because yet again I feel like I wasn’t enough for someone. And you knew it because you were the one who made me feel that way. I also know that all that matters was that this was real and we really wanted this to work in the first.. 2 weeks?

But I am so mad with how you handled this. One day you will realize you shouldn’t have judged me in silence, that we were just different, that you didn’t love me enough to get through something so small even though you thought you had already given me all the love you have. And that is the day you’ll miss me. Then that will be the day you get reminded of how much better I am now; without you.

The thought of you itself is tiring. I don’t want to ever see you again.

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