Still can’t wrap my head around why you wanted to draw a line, you knew I never regarded you any more than a friend; which was what you thought I may have misunderstood. You’re not the one I want just like how I’m not yours. You were not who you said you are – selfish and full of yourself.

I saw vulnerability behind that armour. I saw someone struggling with something who’s refusing to talk to me about it because I am not the one you’re looking for. I saw all the good I thought you were too afraid to show because you don’t want to get hurt you’d hurt others. What’s messed up is if you were to come back, I’d still love you the same. No I won’t. Because what’s gone is gone.

And because you knew. You knew I wouldn’t judge you, you knew I would have done whatever it takes to protect you, you knew I’m a grown up and that I could handle what happened apparently better than you, you knew I really loved you as everything except romantically but you chose to pick the only thing you knew is not against me. Remember what I told you? That you could see through me only because I let you. You always think you know people, how you read people from experience, well I guess you don’t know me enough after all. I was not clinging onto anyone that I can. I was needy but I didn’t actually need you. I picked you because I thought who you claimed to be your Scorpio meant something. Turns out I don’t mean shit.

You wanted to set the record straight but that talk never happened because you kept running away from whatever it is you’re trying to hide. Or maybe you just wanted to keep me around just in case you’d need me someday. I’m as done as you were. You didn’t give me a god damn closure so I’ll help you give me one. I never wanted to be your barbie Ken, I just wanted to be your friend. You probably knew that I can drop someone as fast as I pick them up so you caught me off guard, and left me. Just like that.

You broke me but I made excuses and covered for you even after a fuckboy in disguise told me you’re just a fuckboy. I don’t believe that even up till today. Call me stupid to not see it yet but that’s what friends do, to stand by you no matter what because I believed in the side you showed me. You said I’ll never be able to understand a Gemini, truth is I won’t ever understand you because you never wanted me to.

You cared, didn’t you? And that scares you, the fact that you have feelings towards anything or anyone scares the living shit out of you. I know. I shall let you be you because it’s time I move on.

Goodbye Kenneth. You were here twice at my lowest, who would have thought you’d be the cause of my third?

2 thoughts on “Ken”

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